Remember when high school, when the hormones were raging and you had to have a ‘release’ every other second? Well, if you’re a guy you certainly do. If you’re a girl, it’s more complicated – just because the release itself was more complicated.
For a guy, it was “pump pump pump,” release.
For a girl – “pump, condition, condition, condition, pump…still nothing.”
And it takes time to adjust to the fact that it’s okay (and sometimes even pleasurable) to have sex with people you like without a long term commitment. Or, I believe, that’s what the guys want you to think, anyway.
Because for me personally, it’s HARD to have an orgasm when a man is inside me. Not enough clitoral stimulation, too much pumping around. Unless I’m really wet it doesn’t feel too good. And sure, there are many things a guy can do to make (and keep) me wet…but the most helpful would be to get the hell (literally) OUT of me.
I enjoy clitoral stimulation. It results in powerful orgasms and wonderful sleep. It doesn’t involve my emotions (beyond a certain minimum physical attraction), and satisfies me every time.
So I wonder – what’s the point in actually having sex with a guy if you don’t particularly like him…okay, let’s rephrase that. If he’s not serious enough to commit to you, why would you want to literally open yourself up to him like that?
Why, oh WHY are you allowing a man to masturbate with your body? Because if you don’t enjoy it, whether he ejaculates or not, that’s all it is. And that’s downright dirty. And low.
I wonder what would happen if…
Picture a woman – comfortable with her body. Liberated enough to get naked with people she finds attractive. Not stimulated by vaginal sex – actually, it’s quite a turn-off. She meets a guy in a bar…and they decide to go home together. And she says to him, “I’m going to turn you on, make you sweat, and fuck you silly.”
Guy gets excited – he’s getting some tonight, and it’s going to be great! This one really has a mouth on her…
So they go back, she gives him a wonderful blow job, but he’s still not there yet. She does a few really impressive moves with her body, and then mounts him…except he’s not inside her, she’s literally mounted him. And she’s pumping away, and screaming, “Oh, God! Yeah! Can you feel it?!”
While for the guy it’s alright, for the woman it’s fantastic. Then she has her orgasm (and it’s a doozy), and she gets off him. She’s a nice girl, so she doesn’t turn over and go to sleep immediately. But he’s really frustrated. She just used him. He didn’t get anything out of it. Now he’s sore into the bargain (‘cos she wasn’t completely smooth), and yes, he got a little turned on, but WHAT THE FUCK?
He tries to convince her to have sex with him. She says, “You know what, I’m not looking for commitment.”
For 80% of women (those who can’t get an orgasm with vaginal penetration), THAT would be the ideal one night stand.
But instead, because we’ve been convinced there’s only one definition of sex, we lower ourselves to permitting penetration. Maybe it’s with people we either DO want to have relationships with (but don’t want them with us). Alternatively, it’s about exploring the myth that sex IS fun, or can be for women. Then it becomes about hoping to find the right angle that will make this huge impediment less uncomfortable. Watch porn, you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Now my sentiments can quickly be countered with a look at the sales in dildos…but only women know how they’re really being used. And my guess is that it’s much less than a penis during sex.